8 Questions You Should Ask the Host Family as an Au-Pair
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Before you say yes to a host family, you should ask them questions too — concrete ones. The right questions protect you from nasty surprises and quickly show whether the family is honest, organised, and a good match for you. A serious family answers them openly and is glad you're thinking carefully.
An au-pair year is not a job like any other — you move into someone else's home, in a new city, often in a new country. These 8 questions help you understand exactly what you're signing up for before you commit. Feel free to ask them right in the video call.
The 8 most important questions before you commit
1. What does a typical day look like?
Ask them to walk you through an ordinary weekday — from morning to evening. Why it matters: you'll immediately see whether your duties are realistically spread out or whether the entire childcare lands on you. A good answer is detailed and honest („You wake the kids at 7, then you're free until midday…“). Vague answers like „We'll figure it out“ are a warning sign.
2. How many hours per week — and which duties exactly?
Ask directly for the weekly hours and a concrete list of tasks. Why it matters: in Germany the limit is 30 hours per week and 6 hours per day. A good family gives you a clear number and says openly whether cooking, cleaning, or evening babysitting are included. Make sure light housework only means the children's tasks — you're not a cleaning service for the whole household.
3. How old are the children and what are they like?
Ask about each child's age, number, personality, and any special needs. Why it matters: a toddler requires something completely different from two school-age kids. An honest family will also mention the hard parts („Our youngest often has tantrums“) — that's a good sign. It lets you judge in advance whether the care fits your experience.
4. What will my room look like — will I have privacy?
Ask for photos of your own room and whether it can be locked. Why it matters: in Germany you're entitled to your own furnished room — not a sofa, not a shared children's room. A good family shows you the space willingly and respects that you need privacy and a place to retreat. Hesitation here is a clear red flag.
5. Pocket money, language-course subsidy, free days — is it in writing?
Settle the numbers early: in Germany €280 pocket money per month and at least €70 language-course subsidy are mandatory, plus at least 1.5 free days per week and 4 weeks of paid holiday. Why it matters: a serious family puts all of this in an au-pair contract. Someone who makes verbal promises but refuses to write anything down risks disputes later — at your expense.
6. How do I get around — public transport, car, location?
Ask where the family lives and how you'll get out in your free time. Why it matters: a house in the countryside with no bus and no car can get very lonely. Clarify whether there's a public-transport link, whether you may use a car, and who pays for the ticket. That tells you whether you can actually reach your language course, new friends, and a life of your own.
7. Have you had au-pairs before — may I speak with one?
Ask about previous au-pairs and request a contact. Why it matters: nobody can describe the family more honestly than someone who has lived there. A good family is happy to connect you. A family that dodges the question, or whose every au-pair left early, deserves closer questioning.
8. How will we handle conflicts and problems?
Ask how the family deals with disagreements and who you can turn to when something isn't working. Why it matters: problems are part of any shared life — what counts is how openly people talk about them. A mature answer („We sit down once a week and raise anything that's up“) shows that you'll be heard when things get difficult.
Be alert if a family gives evasive answers about hours, money, or your room. Phrases like „We keep it relaxed“ or „We'll talk about that once you're here“ sound friendly, but they postpone exactly the points that need to be settled in writing. A serious family gives you clear, concrete answers here — before you commit, not after.
Why these questions protect you
Asking questions isn't distrust — it's professional. You're making one of the biggest decisions of your year, and you have every right to clarity beforehand. Families who welcome your questions are almost always the good ones. Anyone who gets annoyed is showing you, before you even move in, how they'll treat your concerns later.
Write the answers down and compare several families calmly. And remember: you're choosing just as much as you're being chosen. A good au-pair year starts with honest answers to honest questions.
