Making Friends as an au pair: 9 Ways That Really Work
Photo: William Fortunato / Pexels
The fastest way to make friends as an au pair is to connect with other au pairs: they’re the same age, in the same situation, and share the same lack of connections. Look for them deliberately—through au pair meet‑ups, language courses, and platforms that show you au pairs nearby.
The first weeks are the toughest for almost everyone. You have a host family, a room, a job—but no one to go out with on Saturday night. Your host family may be warm‑hearted yet still can’t answer this: they’re twenty years older and have small children.
This isn’t personal failure; it’s normal. And it can be solved—here are nine ways, ordered by how quickly they work.
1. Find other au pairs nearby
The quickest way. Other au pairs know your situation because they’re dealing with it right now—no need to explain why you’re free on a Tuesday afternoon. That’s exactly what the au pair community on AuPairMatch is for: you can see au pairs near your host family and those moving to your area in the coming weeks, and you can message them directly. It’s free and works even if you found your host family on another platform.
2. Attend the language course — and stay afterwards
In many countries a language course is part of the au pair stay, and the host family often contributes a subsidy. There you’ll find people who are new just like you. The trick isn’t the class—it’s the twenty minutes afterward: ask two people if they’d like another coffee. Most will say yes, because they want the same thing and are just as shy.
3. Ask your host family about their network
Your host family knows other families—and many of them also have an au pair. One sentence is enough: “Do you know other families with an au pair?” Good host families are happy to make the connection because they know you would otherwise find it difficult. Some simply don’t think of it on their own.
4. Schedule a regular activity with a set date
Sports club, choir, climbing gym, volleyball in the park. What matters isn’t the hobby but the regularity: strangers become acquaintances because you see each other repeatedly—not because one evening was perfect. One weekly meeting beats five one‑off dates.
5. Facebook and WhatsApp groups in your city
For almost every major city there is an au pair group. They are unmoderated and sometimes chaotic, but they work—meet‑ups and day trips are organized there. Search “au pair” plus your city name. Two tips: don’t share an address, and meet in a public place the first time.
6. Apps for Meeting People
Bumble For Friends, Meetup, Spontacts, and Tandem language‑partner apps also work abroad—sometimes even better than at home because many newcomers are active there. For people who prefer not to join groups, a one‑on‑one meeting is often the easier start.
7. Say yes before you wonder if you feel like it
The first two months, follow a simple rule: accept every invitation, even the seemingly dull neighborhood BBQs. Not because every night will be amazing, but because each acceptance leads to another invitation—while a no breaks the chain.
8. Use your free afternoons, not just evenings
As an au pair, you often have free time in the middle of the day while parents are at work. That's when other au pairs are also free. Meeting for coffee at 3 p.m. is easier to arrange than an evening when everyone is tired – and you meet people who share the same unusual rhythm.
9. Allow eight weeks, not eight days
The most common mistake is expecting instant results. A friendship rarely forms after the first meeting; it usually takes about four. If you quit in week two, you stop just as things might start to work. Keep going until week eight—most break through during that period.
Why other au pairs are the best starting point
There’s a reason this option comes first: with all the others you have to explain why you’re here, why you’re free during the week, and why you might leave in four months. With another au pair, none of that is needed. You’re about the same age, in the same foreign country, sharing the same calendar and the same question.
There’s also a practical side: au pairs are constantly arriving and leaving. Whoever arrives in your city today is looking for exactly what you are. That’s why the list of people who are soon moving to your area is often more valuable than the list of those already here – you start together instead of joining an existing group.
Even if you searched elsewhere
The au pair community on AuPairMatch is free for au pairs — even for those who found their host family through another platform or an agency. You create a free profile, enter the city you’re moving to, and see the same people as everyone else. Your address is never shown — only the city and an approximate distance range.
What you should let go of in the first weeks
Spend the whole evening on the phone at home. Staying in touch is fine, but two hours every night isn’t. You’ll be physically here and mentally there, and both become harder.
Wait until someone asks you. Everyone else is waiting too. The first to ask wins – and it’s less awkward than it feels.
Cling to your room. Door shut, series on, day passes. On a bad day that’s okay. As a habit over weeks, it’s the quickest route back home.
