The first four weeks: How to help your au pair settle in
The most important task of a host family in the first four weeks is not the schedule, but integration: an Au-Pair who has two personal contacts outside your family after a month is much more likely to stay until the end. This doesn’t require a program—just a few targeted actions at the right time.
How you prepare the room, explain the house rules, and shape the first days is covered in the article “How to welcome your Au-Pair in the first days.” This is about what follows: the weeks in which it is decided whether your Au-Pair builds a life outside your home.
Why exactly four weeks?
Because groups form during this time. Most au-pairs arrive in the autumn, all new at the same time. Those who meet people in the first weeks have a start after a month. Those who spend their free time in their room later encounter groups that already exist—and have to be the new person joining them.
Then there is the course of homesickness. The first week is often exciting; from experience weeks two to six are the hardest, and it gets better afterward—if contacts have been made by then. Your actions therefore have the most impact within that window. After four weeks you can influence less, not nothing, but less.
Week by week: What you can actually do
Week 1: Orientation instead of program
Monthly ticket for bus and train, a working SIM card, and a joint ride to the language school. Register your au pair for the language course in the first days — the courses start in the fall, and the other newcomers will be there. Enter your placement on AuPairMatch and confirm it: from then on, your au pair can see who is in your area and will be found themselves. And write a sentence in your parents' chat: “Does anyone know families with an au pair?”
Week 2: The First Independent Contact
Now a solid free afternoon each week is needed, one that reliably stays free—Au-Pair meetings take place in the afternoon because everyone is then available. Encourage a first meeting with someone from the course, the community, or the parent chat. If the route is unknown: taking them there once is not patronizing, but a kick‑start.
Week 3: A Routine Outside the Home
Ask what your au-pair regularly does at home—sports, music, choir, climbing—and help find the right group in your city. A regular weekly activity is more important than three invitations: friendships develop through repetition. If it costs money, a subsidy is a good investment.
Week 4: The Honest Conversation
In private, not at dinner with everyone: “How are you really doing? Have you met anyone yet?” Many au-pairs don’t say anything on their own because they don’t want to seem ungrateful. Listen without immediately offering solutions. If work hours prevent the class or the meetings, now is the time to adjust them.
The Two-Contact Rule
After four weeks, your au-pair should have two people outside your family that they can simply write to. Two, not ten. If there are none, that’s not a failure—but a signal that you should step up in week five: parent chat, other families, language course, community.
The checklist for ticking off
- Monthly ticket and SIM card provided in the first week
- Language course enrolled, traveled together to the location once
- Placement entered and confirmed on AuPairMatch
- Message in the parents' chat: “Does anyone know other au-pairs?”
- A fixed free afternoon each week that truly remains free
- First meeting outside the family took place
- A regular weekly activity found (club, class, sport)
- Contact established with at least one other host family with an au-pair
- One‑on‑one conversation after week four
- Working hours fit the course and meetings
- Your au-pair has two personal contacts they can write to
What you should leave out
Organizing a full leisure program. Well‑intentioned, but your Au‑pair needs peers, not more time with you. A weekend outing is nice; three family evenings a week don’t replace friendship.
Wanting to integrate your Au‑pair into your circle of friends. That rarely works and puts pressure on both sides. More helpful is contact with families who have Au‑pairs—their Au‑pairs are the right peers.
Always asking whether they already have friends. The question is right, the approach is wrong. At a dinner with everyone you get “yes, everything’s fine,” but one‑on‑one you get the truth.
Comparing with the previous Au‑pair. “Our Lena had friends after a week” helps no one. Everyone needs a different amount of time, and shy Au‑pairs are often the most reliable.
We are new — and we say it openly
AuPairMatch launched in 2026. It may be that there is no other au-pair registered in your city yet. In that case, yours is the first—and the next one who arrives in your area will be seen as a newcomer. The community is free for au-pairs, even if you found each other through another platform or an agency.
How you can tell it’s working
Your au-pair is sometimes not there in the afternoons. They talk about people by name, not just “the class.” They ask if they may come later on Saturday. They call home less often. After the shift they don’t seem exhausted, but still have something planned.
You recognize the opposite just as clearly: almost all free time spent in the room, cancelled invitations, long calls home, cheerful with the children and then empty afterward. Then it’s time to address it again in week five—and, if in doubt, openly ask what’s missing.
Enter the placement and confirm
One click from you — and your Au-Pair sees who lives in your area and who is arriving at the same time.