Why Your Au-Pair Connection Matters — and How You Can Help
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An au pair who finds a connection in the new place is more likely to stay until the end. Loneliness and homesickness are among the most common reasons for an early termination — and you as a host family can contribute a lot without having to replace their friends.
That may sound like a soft topic at first. But it is very practical: a termination after four months means a new search for you, a new adjustment period, building trust a second time — and for the children a farewell they don’t understand.
Why you can’t solve this on your own
You can be a wonderful host family—warm, generous, attentive—and still not be what your au pair needs. It’s not because of you, but because of the age gap: a 19‑year‑old needs peers. You are in a different life stage, with children, a career, and a circle of friends that has been established for years.
This isn’t bad news. It simply means the task isn’t to become their friend, but to pave the way for them to connect with others. And you can do that—usually with surprisingly little effort.
Five Things That Really Help
1. Connects you with other au pairs
You probably know other families with an au pair—through daycare, school, or the neighborhood. A single message in your parents' chat is often enough. For your au pair, that step is the hardest; for you, it takes just two minutes.
2. Enter your placement and confirm it
Your au-pair appears in the local view on AuPairMatch only after the placement is recorded — and you can find other au-pairs in your area there. It takes just one click and opens a door you couldn’t open yourself.
3. Take into account free afternoons
Au-pair meetings often take place in the afternoon because everyone is free then. If work schedules always fall exactly at that time, the only realistic opportunity for contact disappears. A fixed free afternoon each week is more valuable than it seems.
4. Actively supports the language course
The language course is not just about language, but the most reliable place where your au pair meets peers. A grant and a working schedule that make the course possible have a double impact.
5. Ask about it — but not during dinner with everyone
"Have you already met someone?" is a good question, but not one for the whole group. In private, casually, without expectation. Many au-pairs say nothing because they don't want to burden you and fear appearing ungrateful.
What other platforms offer.
Little. The major brokerage portals publish guides on the topic and then refer their users to Facebook groups, Meetup, or language‑exchange apps. There is no built‑in way to find other au-pairs nearby. On AuPairMatch it is part of the product — free, and also usable by au-pairs who were placed through another platform.
How to tell that things aren't going well
Your au-pair spends most of their free time in their room. They decline invitations. They spend hours on the phone with home. They seem cheerful with the children and then exhausted. They ask about the notice periods.
None of these signs is an alarm on its own—together and over several weeks they are. Bring it up early. Most break‑ups give warning long in advance, and the moment when something can still be saved is well before the conversation about leaving.
How the Au-Pair community works
One click from you — and your Au-Pair finds others in your area.
