The first weeks: How parents can tell that their child is doing well
Photo: Anna Shvets / Pexels
You can tell in the first weeks primarily by one thing whether your child is doing well as an Au-Pair: they start talking about life on site — about new acquaintances, language classes, small routines in the host‑family daily life. When they arrive, they open up. The clearest warning sign is the opposite: your child becomes quiet, only responds when prompted, and complains, if at all, solely about the family.
However, it is important to make a distinction: a bit of homesickness and longing during weeks two to four is normal and not a cause for concern. A real problem only exists when the warning signs persist — and revolve around overwork, isolation, or broken agreements. In this article we show you how to differentiate the two.
Good signs and warning signals at a glance
No single signal decides everything — pay attention to the overall picture over several weeks. This table helps distinguish a smooth settling from an emerging problem:
| ✅ Good sign | 🚩 Warning signal |
|---|---|
| Tells about new people, other au-pairs, or the language course | Pulls back, no longer talks about life on site |
| Also complains sometimes — but laughs just as much about little mishaps. | No more complaints about the family, nothing positive any longer |
| Attends language courses, pursues hobbies, meets up on days off | Hardly ever leaves the house, hasn't met anyone in weeks. |
| Clear agreements on hours and responsibilities are upheld. | Working hours and tasks drift apart, and “just a little longer” becomes the rule. |
| Gets in touch on their own, writes about new impressions | Only responds when prompted and gives evasive answers |
| Gets around in everyday life: bus, shopping, navigating the city | Seems disoriented, barely daring to step outside alone. |
| Talks about plans — the next day off, a trip | Only talks about coming home or the termination |
Normal settling in or a real problem?
Most au-pairs go through a small dip. It is typical in weeks two to four: the initial excitement has faded, daily life still feels foreign, and homesickness shows up. This manifests as a quieter day, tears on the phone, “I’m not sure if this is right for me.” This is not a warning sign, but part of the settling‑in process—and it usually passes once the first friendships and routines develop.
You can spot a real problem by three patterns that do not improve on their own:
- Overwork: The agreed hours are regularly exceeded, the day off is missed, the child does not attend the language course.
- Isolation: After several weeks the au‑pair knows no one, has no contacts with other au‑pairs, and leaves the house only to work.
- Broken agreements: Tasks that were never agreed upon pile up; promises from the host family are not kept.
The rule of thumb: homesickness comes and goes and lessens over the weeks. Overwork and isolation remain or grow. This trajectory is the key distinguishing factor.
Arrange a regular, informal check‑in from the start—like a brief video call on the same day. When you talk regularly without a specific reason, you notice changes early, long before a bad day turns into a real problem. Important: keep it relaxed, not like an interrogation.
What to do if the warning signs persist?
If the signs do not improve or worsen over two to three weeks, act — calmly but clearly:
- Talk openly. Ask specific, non‑pressuring questions: How are the hours? Is there still time for the language course and the day off? What would help? Many imbalances can be resolved early through an honest conversation.
- Involve the platform or agency. Suspecting an excess of hours or isolation is not tattling but caring; raise the issue through the agency. That’s what it’s there for.
- Consider a re‑match. Some pairings simply don’t work — despite goodwill on both sides. Changing the host family isn’t a failure, but often the healthier solution. On reputable platforms, a re‑match is a normal, intended step.
The key is not to wait until the child sounds the alarm. Young Au‑Pairs often don’t want to worry parents and downplay problems. Your attentive, regular focus on the positive signs — and the warning signals — is the best protection.
A good host family makes the difference
Anschluss is the best sign
If your child talks about new people, everything goes smoothly. On AuPairMatch they can find other au-pairs nearby for free — even if the host family was found through another platform.