Video Call with the Host Family: Tips, Questions, and Red Flags
Photo: Artem Podrez / Pexels
A good video call with the host family requires three things: working technology, prepared questions, and the courage to address uncomfortable topics. It’s better to schedule two shorter conversations than one long one where you forget the most important points at the end.
The video call is usually the moment when two profiles become real people. You hear the parents talk to each other, you may see the children, and you get a sense of whether you can imagine spending a year in that household. Conversely, the family gets to know you. Both sides are nervous, and that’s completely normal. With a little preparation, you still come across as calm, honest, and attentive.
How do you prepare yourself technically?
Technical check before the call
Clarify time and time zone
Write the agreed time in both time zones in the chat, for example “6 p.m. your time, 1 p.m. my time”. This avoids any misunderstanding, especially when one side is switching to daylight saving time.
Test connection and device
Test the camera, microphone, and internet one hour in advance. A laptop on the table is quieter than a phone in your hand. Fully charge the device and close other programs.
Light and background
Sit so that the light comes from the front, not from the window behind you. A tidy, calm background is more than enough. Headphones help reduce echo and background noise.
Prepare notes
Put a note with your most important questions next to the screen. It doesn’t appear unprofessional to have notes; it shows that you have prepared seriously.
Secure a quiet place
Let your family or housemates know that you don’t want to be disturbed. A quiet room makes it easier to listen and catch subtle nuances.
On AuPairMatch, you can meet via video directly in the app after a match. To schedule a second conversation, simply arrange a new meeting. Chat messages are automatically translated into your language, which helps with coordinating appointments.
What do you discuss in the first and second call?
In the first conversation, it's mainly about chemistry: can you laugh together, does the conversation feel easy? Details about the room, schedule, and pocket money are better saved for a second call, once both sides know they want to continue. That way, the first meeting won't feel like an interrogation.
| First call | Second call | |
|---|---|---|
| Goal | Getting to know each other, feeling the chemistry | Align expectations concretely |
| Topics | Family, children, hobbies, why an au pair | Daily schedule, tasks, free time, room, language course, pocket money |
| Who is joining? | At least one parent | Both parents, feel free to give a short description of the children |
| After that | Short message: How was it for you? | Record open issues in writing in the chat |
What questions should you ask the host family?
Good questions are open and specific. Instead of “Are the kids sweet?” you’re better off asking “What does a typical afternoon with the children look like?”. These topics belong on your list:
- Everyday life: How does a normal weekday go, when do you look after the children, when are you off?
- Children: How old are they, what do they like, are there any special needs or allergies?
- Responsibilities: What exactly is included in child care? An Au-Pair looks after children and lives a cultural exchange, it is not a housekeeping service.
- Leisure: Which evenings and weekends are free, how do you get into the city?
- Room: Do you get your own room? Feel free to ask to show it briefly on camera.
- Pocket money and language course: How much is the pocket money, who pays for the language course and the insurance?
An extensive list of phrasing can be found in our article Questions you should ask as an Au-Pair to the host family. The rules that apply in each country are listed on our country pages.
How do you talk about boundaries without sounding rude?
Many au-pairs don’t dare to ask about days off or working hours because they don’t want to seem demanding. Yet good families actually appreciate that clarity. From your perspective, phrase it like: “It’s important for me to be able to attend my language class in the evenings. Does that fit with your schedule?” This sounds like planning rather than a demand.
You can also state what you don’t want, such as cooking for the whole family or cleaning. A serious family will respond understandingly and explain their view. If they dismiss you or pressure you, that’s an important signal.
How do you get to know the children on camera?
Children usually have only a few minutes of patience before the screen. Prepare something small: a stuffed animal, a simple song, a picture from your home country, or a word in your language that they can repeat. Ask about their favorite game or their pet. If the children are shy or run away, that is not a bad sign. Much more telling is how the parents interact with them: patient, loving, relaxed?
What warning signs should you take seriously?
Be careful if the family pressures you for a quick acceptance, evades questions about working hours or pocket money, tries to move the conversation to other channels quickly, or asks you for money, copies of your passport, or bank details. Even if cleaning and cooking for the whole household are considered a given, that does not fit the Au-Pair model.
AuPairMatch does not verify IDs and does not conduct background checks. That makes your own gut feeling even more important. How to recognize a reputable host family is shown in our article Recognizing a reputable host family: Red Flags. Also ask for contact with a previous au-pair if the family has already had one.
What are you doing after the call?
Write down right after the conversation what you liked and what remained open. Send the family a short, friendly message the same day with thanks and, if needed, a follow‑up question. If you have a good feeling, suggest a second call. If not, decline honestly and politely. That’s fairer than simply not responding.
If you haven’t found a suitable match after several conversations, take a look at your own profile. You’ll find tips under Making Your Au‑Pair Profile More Attractive. And if you want to know what parents might ask you, read Questions Parents Ask in a Video Call.
